Back Again

Okay, I’m finally back. It’s amazing the turns life takes sometimes. When I started this blog, I had good intentions of posting frequently and keeping it up. Well, no good battleplan survives the first shot. At the moment, I am at work. Here I sit with a cup of coffee and a need to pick this up again. I have no idea where to start. It’s funny how when everything piles up it all turns into a blur. I guess the best way to do this is to lay out the overview and fill in the details in time.

Soon after the Casey incident, the county stepped in and took over both Southside stations, as well as two stations in the north end of the county. We now function under a county-based EMS system. There are still several independent squads left in the county, Westside being one of them. For the purposes of this blog, and to avoid confusion, I will refer to the south side stations and the others that were annexed as “county”, my part-time will be referred to as just that, and west-side will remain as-is.

It is not an easy feeling having to compete for your own job. I personally have never had a root canal performed rectally, but if I did, I would imagine it to feel similar. When the county stepped in and took over south side, there was much to lose, and much to gain. If I got a position with the county, it would mean a pay increase of about 25%, a 2nd set of free benefits, and my previous time with the fire department would mean I could retire five years early. On the other hand, If I wasn’t chosen, my pay would be cut in half.

I like a challenge. Nothing worth a damn has ever been obtained the easy way. This is a lesson that was learned through hard experience. Some people seek out the challenges in life. For others, it just happens. While we were all waiting nervously for our job interviews, the other shoe dropped. I found out I was going to be a father for the first time.

No pressure, right?

Well, everything works out. I accepted a job with the county. I remained at the old southside station for three months and then rotated to a station in the northern side of the county.

I was assigned a permanent partner. When they were trying to figure assignments out, I asked the EMS Chief to give me someone green that I could train. Be careful what you wish for. There was an EMT at south who was…well….interesting. By interesting, I mean irritating to the point that we all wanted to kill her. She was recently divorced. With divorce, there are stages of grieving, very similar to those we experience when coping with death (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance). But, with divorce, you must add two more: Wild and Ditsy. Her and I had worked together at West-side before her divorce and were friends, but she ended up eventually moving away. When she came back, she was somewhere between angry, ditsy and homicidal. Care to guess who my partner is? When I reported for shift, I found myself considering suicide as a viable option, as a transfer was not.

Something strange happened in the first few shifts. I’m not sure if it was her will to survive without her ex, her love for her child, or just growing up, but she changed. Almost overnight, she stopped acting like an angry child and became a great partner. I can’t explain it. We have been partners for about six months now and are close friends. She has progressed from a green basic to someone who has the potential to one day be a great medic. We work well together as a team and have been commended several times for handling difficult calls very well. I think it’s funny that she has threatened our supervisor with death if they ever split us up. Strange how I found a great partner in someone who I least expected it.

My daughter was born in late September and all is well. She is no doubt an EMS baby. My wife was pregnant throughout her paramedic class and delivered shortly after Cardiology. So, in a strange way, my two month old has already worked several codes and been through the entire paramedic curriculum. That should at least earn her a basic patch.

Fatherhood… It’s loud and has a strange odor. Trust me, you will read about it in future posts.

There has been some rough times this year as well. I have had to deal with the death of my two dogs, a financial nightmare, a wife pushed to her breaking point and the realization of the psychological effects this job has had on me. This year has made me question my abilities as a parent and a husband, and has even made me question my faith. I will explain when the time is right.

For now, all is well. My wife is back to work and graduates from her paramedic class tonight. My daughter is healthy and thankfully looks like her mother. Everything worked out well with the new county EMS system and we all look at it with hope and anticipation.

It has been a long, emotional and trying year in which I have had some of the best and worst days of my life. Looking back on it feels like recounting a tour of duty. Even as I write this, I can feel the emotions coming back… happiness, anger, fear, numbness. This has been building for some time and I need to let it out.

Thank you all for your patience. More to come.